An Excursion

Forty-five days. I’ve been quarantined at home for forty-five days of painstaking first-world boredom, leaving the house only for essential errands and the occasional, “I give up” Taco Bell run.

It’s been a really bizzare emotional rollercoaster.

Some days, I’m grateful. Grateful for my health, grateful that I live with my close friends, grateful for Netflix, grateful for alcohol, grateful that I have time to do all of the things I never thought I’d have time to do.

Some days, I feel ashamed. Ashamed at how much or how little I eat, sleep, or drink, ashamed at how lazy I am, ashamed at my “I give up” Taco Bell run, ashamed that I’m upset despite my blessings.

Other days, I feel depressed. Depressed because I’m still mourning the loss of my silly little errands or my study abroad trip to Japan, depressed because I can’t bring myself to get out of bed or write a blog post, depressed because I’m terrified for myself, my family and society as a whole.

Some days, I feel all of these things. Others, I feel completely numb.

But most days, I just feel really fucking bored.

The good thing about feeling really fucking bored is that there’s usually something you can do to combat that- you just have to put a little bit of effort and (in quarantine, a lot of) thought into it.

My roommates and I were starting to feel hopelessly stir-crazy, but then we remembered that nature exists. Amazing!

We heard that parks and trails in Austin are still open, which is equal parts delightful and terrifying. We decided that it’d probably be fine to have a little greenbelt adventure so long as we took our masks and turned back if we saw too many people cramped on the trails.

We packed up my Honda and headed to my favorite spot along the Barton Creek Greenbelt– Campbell’s Hole. It’s my favorite because it’s the only spot I’ve been to. Which…. I know this blog is supposed to be about trying new places, but I am using the pandemic clause to bend the rules.

We saw a few people out, but not nearly enough to crowd the trails. To our relief, they all seemed to be mindful of social distancing.

We walked up the trail and admired what would normally be a disappointing, dry creekbed. But when you’ve been shelled up in the house for a month and a half, you take what you can get.

2 months ago, this wouldn’t have been a very exciting outing. But now, this was a thrilling excursion. It felt amazing to have the sun peeking down on us through the tree branches, to hear the crunch of gravel on the trail, to smell the faint scent of spring flowers and to be out of the house for something other than a risky mission to the grocery store.

This may not be the most thrilling or insightful blog post when it comes to exploring Austin, but it’s a look into what recreational outings are like during a 21st century plague. If you’re curious how we’re feeling due to COVID-19 drama, you can check out this short interview I did with a couple of my roommates here. (Even if you’re not curious about how we’re feeling, you can at least check out my mediocre editing skills.)

A Pandemic

Boarded up bars on East 6th street

Last Friday, I woke up and got an iced mocha and jalapeño kolache from my favorite local bakery. It was my grandfather’s 81st birthday, so I picked up some barbecue, then popped into HEB for a birthday cake and went to celebrate with him. I went out with my friends for a drink and dinner, and thought excitedly about what restaurant or store I might want to explore for this week’s blog. It was a lovely Friday.

Today is Thursday.

It hasn’t even been a week.

All bars, restaurants and nonessential stores have closed their doors. There’s a city ordinance prohibiting more than 10 people from gathering together. Classes have moved to online for the rest of the semester and dorms are being cleared. A trip to the grocery store won’t result in restocking your household with toilet paper, but it could result in life-threatening illness.

There’s a global pandemic, Texas is in a state of disaster, and here I am writing a blog about local exploration.

Quite frankly, writing a blog post is fucking hard for me right now.

My mind is elsewhere.

My mind is busy dealing with the fact that it won’t be safe for me to visit my grandparents for the rest of the season, maybe longer. It’s busy figuring out how to deal with anxiety and depression while being cooped up in the house. It’s busy worrying about the people who served us drinks last Friday, and everyone else, who may not have a job today. It’s busy thinking about the HEB employees who are working hard, risking their lives to make sure people can purchase things they need to live.

My mind is busy with overwhelming concern about this big, new threat to public health. It’s busy thinking about the overcrowded hospitals, the lack of ventilators and the absence of testing. It’s busy feeling heartbreak for the doctors who signed up to be heroes, but instead, are having to choose who lives and who dies.

My mind is busy wondering when the COVID-19 pandemic will end and when peace of mind will begin.

But even though my mind is busy, and the world is drowning in collective panic, life goes on. So here I am, forcing myself to write. Writing not only to get a grade for my class, but to document my story and provide some form of entertainment for others.

There will have to be indefinite changes made to this blog.

We’ll have to get creative as far as finding places to go. Many places aren’t safe and lifestyle changes are being made. I’m no longer a local tourist. I’m a local trying to stay sane in a pandemic.

I’ll be back soon with posts about surviving in this very weird time. For now, I encourage everyone to practice social distancing, try to stay healthy, and keep your head up.

There’s been a lot of unnerving changes in a short amount of time, but we are all in this together. We will get through it.